Ode to Baby Pickles

Oh baby pickles, how I love thee
Your tart taste reminds me of my youth
If I were stuck on a desert island
...I would not bring you, my vinegary chum
But rather something more nutritious and life-sustaining
But rest assured, baby pickles
Upon my return to civilization
You will be first to rest upon my plate
end.

Rhyme With Emurdaugh

My eyes are turning green
And so is my spleen
I have no time to scream
EvilCouch is having a dream
Oh the things I've seen
Far in between
They're not what they seem
Oppy's gnomes, they have been
Chasing him 'round the scene
They must have a defective gene
For they are quite lean
And sporting hats soaked in kerosene
With eyes aquamarine
Glowing their shimmery sheen
Moving like a machine
Fast as a ladybug green
Overdosed on caffeine
Hooked on benzene
Rockin' with Queen
Newly appointed Dean
My isn't he keen?
Talk about a has-been
Wait, who are we talking about again?
I have no idea.

Open Letter to boyCat

Dear boyCat
Get out of here
Stay away from my beer
You are far too near
Your nose is in my drink
Your sister's in my sink
I think you are a freak
Just stay away from my beer, dear
end.

The Intarwebs is Serious Business

Mothers, lock your babies up tight!
There’s paedophiles afoot tonight!
And if in their little minds corruption is evident
Blame Rule Thirty-Four of the internet.

In the chats where your children play
Thieves steal innocence
“Instead of teaching him to be safe,” you say
“Let’s sue the internet!”

Teenagers post their whangst for everyone to see
Just how hardcore they really can be.
Looking for answers they just can’t get
From anywhere but the Internet.

Babies starve while parents stare
Enthralled by the brilliant glare
Worse than crack, more terrible than cocaine
Is the temtpation of online games!

Beware the chats teeming with tricks
Like a masquerade, no face is true
That supermodel flirting with you
Is a fat old man getting his kicks!

Should you chance across a forum,
It’s okay to call others names
After all, everybody else is a moron
And you are perfect, without blame.

The Web with its boundless cruelty corrupts
Kitties shaped like bonsai trees
Girls in tubs with scraped knees
There’s nothing on the net but sick fucks.

In case you have doubts, let me stress
The Internet is SERIOUS BUSINESS